Hope: to desire with expectation of attainment” Merriam-Webster

I imagine what I must have looked like to the psychologist as he delivered news none of my research prepared me to hear. “Your son has autism,” he said, with a touch of compassion.

My precious little boy. The son I never thought I’d have. All the hopes and dreams I had for him died with the utterance of those four words.

“Your son has autism.”

I remember feeling numb at that moment. The psychologist handed me a piece of paper with a referral to a prominent developmental pediatrician who specialized in children with autism at a hospital near my home.

Armed with every bit of information on the disorder the agency had, I left feeling lost but determined. The psychologist talked a lot about early intervention and what not. All I knew was I had to do everything in my power to get my son whatever he needed to help him live in this world.

Autism Acceptance Month
Twenty years ago, no one knew a lot about this disorder. I felt as if someone had dropped me into a foreign land and I had to scramble to learn the language. I couldn’t just hop on a plane and fly home, neither would clicking my heels. There were no families of color I could turn to, so I had to navigate my own way through the quagmire of not only the disorder but special education services.

Autism (Autism Spectrum Disorder) typically appears during early childhood and impacts a person’s communication, relationships, social skills and their ability to self-regulate. There is no known cause of autism, and every child experiences the disorder in varying degrees. For this reason, you will often hear autism referred to as a spectrum disorder.

As the psychologist told me, early intervention goes a long way toward ensuring a child who receives this diagnosis receives the supports she or he needs to live to their full capabilities.

A gentleman walked up to my son one day while we were out shopping. “Hey man, do you have the time?” he asked.

“No,” my son replied as he looked at the floor. He didn’t make eye contact with this man, and it never occurred to him to look at his watch or cell phone to answer the man.

“It’s 3:15.” I said as I walked up and touched my son on his shoulder. The man thanked me, but he still looked askance at my son.

You won’t know my son has a condition that severely affects how he interacts with the world until you talk with him. People often react to him the way this gentleman did.

If you have or know someone who has a child “blessed” with autism (it is a blessing), or a child with any type of disability, here’s how you can help them:

  • Offer to watch the child so they can take a bath. When my son was little, there were days where I didn’t comb my hair or brush my teeth (don’t judge me).
  • Talk about something other than the latest research you’ve read about the child’s condition. People still give me autism-related gifts and information. I can converse about topics other than autism. It’s okay to ask questions, but realize we live in that world. We need a break from it sometimes.
  • If your child is in the classroom with a child with a disability, especially autism, invite them to the birthday parties. My son wouldn’t have attended, but it would have been nice for him to be included.

If you have a child with autism or any other disability, here’s what you can do to feel more included:

  • Speak up for what you need. If I had been brave enough to tell people I needed conversation not related to autism, then I might not have storage bins full of gifts centered on autism and the latest information on the condition.
  • Do something for yourself. As I mentioned, there were days I couldn’t take a bath without having my son in the bathroom with me or having somebody watch him. I would talk to my sister about how long she could keep him on a Saturday afternoon. I would divide my time between studying and either taking that bath or grabbing a nap. (After I took the bath, of course. 😉
  • As we move into Autism Acceptance Month, find some little thing you can do to lighten the load for a parent or family dealing with trial and turmoil associated with caring for a child with a disability.
Navigating special education can be overwhelming. Attending Individualized Education Program (IEP) meetings can be stressful. Inside my free IEP Guide, you’ll find the five questions you should ask at any meeting; room to record meeting attendees and contact information; a list of special education terms; and a place for you to record your own questions and notes from the meeting. Grab a copy of my free IEP Guide to help you feel prepared for your next IEP meeting.

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