No One Has A Right To Judge

I was watching an episode of my favorite T.V. show recently and a patient came into the Emergency Department (ER) with knee pain for the third or fourth time. The doctor briefly reviewed her chart then proceeded to prescribe a cortisone shot and took it upon himself to advise her to lose some weight, expounding on the benefits of her losing even 10 to 15 pounds.

I wanted to jump through the screen and knock that doctor flat on his behind.

This has happened to me more than once. One memorable time was at an eye appointment. The doctor finished his exam, rolled back a little on his stool, sighed, and said, “Ya know, Ms. Bumpass, if you’d lose a little weight – five or 10 pounds – it would help a lot with the effect diabetes is having on your eyes. “

I thanked him and left the room in tears. My little sister went to bat for me, and the doctor apologized for hurting my feelings.

Society in general looks at an overweight person as having no willpower; as someone who doesn’t care about themselves. It’s easy to drop five or 10 pounds or 100 pounds, right. Not!

In fact, if it were that easy, I would be my version of skinny, along with every other overweight person on the planet.

• Will losing weight help my health? Definitely.
• Will losing the excess weight help me feel better about myself? Probably.
• Will losing the excess weight help me love myself? Maybe. Maybe not.
• Does it help to have that pointed out by every doctor I see? Nope.

A person’s body mass index doesn’t consider genetics, financial challenges, stressors, or anything else that might take a person’s focus away from healthy eating. Even as I write this newsletter, I recognize my own bias. Sigh

I am an emotional eater. I know this and I am aware of this. When I find myself eating because of stress, I recognize this. Typically, it’s because I’ve had a rough day as a caregiver or something or someone has upset me and I’m eating my feelings.

No Judgment

We can all be a little more cognizant of what’s going on in the lives of others without judgment. We don’t have to know everything about another person’s life. No, but we can take a moment to stop and realize that we all have stuff going on in our lives.

No one has a right to judge.

Find A Better Way to State the Obvious

Consider how your words will be received. Just because the doctor thought he needed to remind the patient of her shortcomings in the weight department, didn’t mean that she needed to hear them. At least not at that moment.

Offer Viable Solutions

This requires a conversation. An open honest conversation. By going through a person’s history of everything they have tried in the past, suggest another alternative. This could be something they’ve tried before but with a twist.

Every program or solution doesn’t work for everybody. Take the time to help develop a program that will work for the individual. Or send them to someone who can help the person put together such a plan.